Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
