Capitaan dildo arrescate!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
