Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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