Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
