Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
