So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
