I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
