Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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