I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
