I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
