i just wanna soil my oats bro
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
