i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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