Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
