I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
