Swine flu is the new snow day.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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