Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
