Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
