You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you have to choose: penises or morals?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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