she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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