I hate your face
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
