i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
