then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
