You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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