I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
