but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
