lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I still have a little drunk in my system
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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