DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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