I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
