What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
