He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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