I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
