no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
