You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
