Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
