call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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