It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
