Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
