I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
