Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
