a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
