I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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