How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
