I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
