Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
