Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
