if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
