is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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