He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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