I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
