it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I love you.
Bad choice
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
