Little spoons don't ask big questions
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
