My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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