Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
