why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
did i just pee glitter
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
