I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
