I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
